Thursday, 21 February 2008

Sometimes I think God loves a trier...

...This is going to be a miserable post... so don't read if you hate misery... and probably a few profanities...

...God must love a trier, cause bloomin' heck have I tried for the past god knows how many years. And with all the lovely, fluffy, new, sparkly and shiny stuff going on in my life you know SOMETHING has to come along and upset the apple cart, so to speak.

... I have and am giving up trying. Trying to please everyone else is simply impossible. Because by doing that it just makes me uphappy. When i'm unhappy the kiddos get unhappy. BC (before children) I had a bad few relationships with f****** men who didn't understand the word manogamy. I know that for me, I can forgive but never forget... but how many times do/should you forgive? Sorry is such an easy word to say but to truly show you are sorry is far, far harder; I guess for some people is is impossible to actually 'BE' sorry.

...so from now on, I am deciding to put ME and the kiddos first (not that the kids have every been anywhere else but some how I ended up at the bottom of the heap) and enjoy my new job and lots of fabby new exciting spangly things on the horizon.

...and I am giving up on trying.

... and Arse to those who think sorry is just a word too.

5 comments:

Nina said...

Hun, you ok? If you need a chat I can pop over tomorrow. x

Tanya said...

Hi Paula, sorry to hear you so down. Don't give up trying, you can't let them win, you're stronger than that :) ((hugs))

oranginadreams said...

Oh, I'm sorry to hear your feeling down. Don't be so hard on yourself - you're right not to try to please everyone. It's too hard and it only means you're not making yourself happy.
Hugs!

Sandra said...

I'm saddened by your post hon and wish I had better advice for you. Please just do the best thing for you. Write your own story. Love and hugs xx

michelle said...

omg! are you okaY? I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think that you must ,must, must put you and your kids first or you will lose yourself sister. seriously, if you need to vent.. shoot me an email. hugs, and love